nicole // sweet like sugar

[Todd Stephen Owens]

Todd was at the front desk, talking with the receptionist. She was very thick, or maybe just very lonely. Todd was gay but she always wanted to chat him up, and honestly she was a nice person so he could deal with some small talk every day. He was on his way back to his desk with lunch in a bag, take out from his favorite chinese place. He knew it was getting cold, but that was okay.

Even better if he didn't have more messages about the motorcycle gang that was stopped in town waiting for him on his answering machine.

Cathy, the receptionist, was a pretty blonde from the south, Georgia or someplace. She was obviously used to friendly people and conversations about race cars and horses. Up here, people kept more to themselves. Though, she was a looker and had no trouble with dates. But anyone could tell she was lonely, and Todd didn't mind playing big brother; especially since Scarlett seemed spacey lately.

[Nicole Marie Freeman]

Nicole Marie Freemen entered the police station with an air of decisive anxiety. Jumpy and troubled, her frazzled mind occupied with all sorts of disconcerning thoughts. Without really thinking, she walked straight past the receptionists desk and towards the individual offices. By the time she realized where she had walked, she felt too awkward to walk back and ask.

She didn't necessary look out of place (though that's how she felt) but she did look like the type of person who would be at the police station for all the wrong reason. Bleached hair dyed bright pink. Tattooed so that it looked like a flock of birds were migrating across her forearm. Tattered jeans, worn hiking boots, white tank-top. Her left wrist was covered in a strange array of bracelets, mostly string. Her eyes, lined with eyeliner, looked at the office doors, thinking the must have nameplates somewhere.

One of the officers, a man, asked her what she was looking for. Nicole fumbled with her words, not wanting to tell him. What if that was him? And she then thought, Would she knew Todd is she saw him? No, probably not, so there was no reason to risk it. "I'm just looking for someone." she said vaguely and moved on before he could ask anything else.

She stopped a passing lady officer. It'd be safe to ask her, Todd was clearly a guy. "I'm looking for Todd Owens." she said, in a rather hushed tone. The lady led her to his office and opened the door. Nicole was told to a take a seat and that he'd be right there. And then the lady left.

But Nicole couldn't sit. She fidgeted. So this was where he worked. An actual place for an actual person. Somehow it made it feel more real. He was a real person, who worked and breathed and showered and everything. He wasn't just a story she told herself over the years. And she was about to meet him.

She paced around the room, looking at various things. And then her eye caught a picture frame on the desk. She held it up. A happy family. She could tell which one was him because he looked a little out of place. Her heart skipped and beat and she stopped beating. So that's what he looked like. A happy guy in a happy family. Maybe coming here was a bad idea.

[Todd Stephen Owens]

Then he was interrupted again by Officer Lake, a matter of fact woman telling him quietly that a strange young woman had asked for him and was in his office waiting for him. Todd excused himself from both woman and went toward his office. A strange woman... young woman... He was trying to think if he knew anyone who fell in that category, or anyone he had arrested like that who was out now and would actually want to see him. No one came to mind.

Todd opened the door. Her back was to him, bleached pink hair, slight frame, tattoos and ratty looking jewelry. He sat down across from her, clearing his throat as he moved to his seat, noticing she was holding a phot of his family. "That's my family," He stated, opening his take out and starting to eat. He was starving after all.

"So, how can I help you?" Todd was sure he had never seen her before, but something felt familiar... maybe the shape of her nose? That was a silly thing to find familiar probably. Something you only noticed with people who were related. He remembered Scarlett trying to figure out whose arms she had and whose nose, comparing her parents. She knew not to include Todd in that discussion. But probably she just looked like someone else he knew well. It would come to him.

[Nicole Marie Freeman]

Nicole jumped at the sound of his voice and almost dropped the frame. She could only stare at the Todd even as he walked around his desk and started eating. Her expression was one of fear. It was the unknown most people feared, and Nicole was facing the unknown right now. She had no idea how this would turn out - why was she here again? Suddenly 'just wanting to meet him at least once' seemed like a poor excuse for coming in and intruding on a stranger's life.

There he was. He was real. He was eating take-out right in front of her, with the same eyes, angular nose and dark brows. Nicole tilted her head a little bit - he had mom's ears. This was so bizarre.

His family. He said it so naturally ... obviously happily and comfortably where he was. Nicole felt even worse about being here and almost turned and walked straight out. But how would she live with herself after it - being such a coward? If this was important enough for her to make it all the way here, than of course she would beat herself up later on if she just left without saying anything.

Nicole opened her mouth, but didn't know what to say. Her last scraps of courage told her she ought to just say it.

She hesitated with the words. What sounded more appropriate, Your my brother or I'm your sister?

She went with the former.

"You're my brother."

Her voice sounded strange to herself. The words themselves were completely unfamiliar. Her heart was racing, her mouth was dry, she fidgeted with hands. She lowered her head and looked down. She wished she was sitting, but it seemed too awkward to do that now.

[Todd Stephen Owens]

Todd stopped eating and put the chopsticks down.

You're my brother.

It was a sentence he associated with Scarlett, and only her, and now this girl was using it. Though at least it didn't sound like she thought it was natural either. "Come again?" but he had heard her. He suddenly saw it, the nose, the eyebrows, the shape of the lips.... those were traits they shared. It felt like looking in a gender bending mirror and he found himself more startled and taken aback than he could have ever imagined.

Sure, he contemplated finding his birth parents eventually, maybe... but he loved the family he had, the sister he had, the life he had. He liked being Todd Owens, he was Todd Owens. Her being here didn't change that... but it made it difficult to hold his bearings.

He didn't know he had a sister.

That meant he wasn't a child out of rape, or a broken relationship, he was one of love, but they had given him up and several years later had this deathly skinny, pink haired haired girl, whom they kept. He felt a little angry and hurt. Why was she better than him? And then he wondered why now, why did she choose right now to get in his life and make a mess of things. It was hard enough to be adopted and gay, and now he had a family that was only family through blood and not by deed, showing up on his doorstep.

[Nicole Marie Freeman]

The tension and emotion in the air was palpable. If Nicole felt uncomfortable before, it was nothing to how she felt now. She wanted to die and it felt as though she could. Maybe her heart would explode - it pounded so heavily she felt the blood pressure throughout her body and pressing on her brain around the temples. Maybe she'd choke on the dead weight of guilt that felt like lead in her chest cavity. She let out a shaky breath that hurt - it was too painful to breath. The pain of the situation was so intense, she was convinced she'd never feel better again. Just let me die so I don't have to feel.

She couldn't take it and running away was always the thing she was good at.

There was a lot she wanted to say. I just wanted to meet you; please just forget me and go back to your happy life; it took me years to find you; I hated mom for giving you up but you're better off, trust me. Nicole settled for saying. "Sorry, enjoy your takeout." in a very rushed manner.

Then she turned and power walked out of the door, clenching her first, trying to take deep breaths, and keeping her head down.

[Todd Stephen Owens]

Oh no, she was not getting away that easily. Shje had come in here and turned his whole world upside down. With reflexes he didn't even realize he had, Todd bolted from his seat and herded her back into the room, closing the door again, leaning on it to bar her way. "You can't come here and tell me I am your brother and then expect me to let you go." And as far as Todd was concerned, he wasn't her brother, not really. They shared parents, or at least one, that was it. That did not make them siblings. Maybe his face said as much. Normally, Todd could keep things under wraps, but he had not been prepared for this, not at all.

"So who are you? Where did you come from? And why are you here?" The questions weren't mean, just forceful and a little scared... more so than he'd like to admit. She had just spun his life on its head. He knew nothing about her and she knew nothing about him, not when he was adopted, not that his sister, Scarlett, had a serious kidney problem, not that he was gay.... nothing.

How could she waltz in here? But at least she felt uncomfortable too and seemed to know she was stirring his life around.

[Nicole Marie Freeman]

Nicole felt pang of new fear as she was herded back into the office. It was a bit of surprise at first, but she looked around suspiciously and made sure that there was a chair inbetween them. The chair that was normally reserved for people Todd would be interrogating. Nicole started thinking of ways she could possibly take him on, though she'd have to play dirty for anything to work, given that he seemed far larger and fitter than her. She did not trust men who forced her into situations - sexual or not.

His anxiety was scaring her a little. People on edge were always dangerous. How did she even begin to answer his questions? She could tell him her full name, but what did that mean to him? They were complete strangers. But just saying I'm your sister was equally meaningless and also a bit repetitive. Still feeling a bit defensive, Nicole finally spoke.

"My name's Nicole and we have the same biological parents." She stayed behind the chair and remembered she had the switchblade on her. Even if she did have to use it (which she didn't think she'd have to) her prospects of running out of a police station seemed pretty slim. "I came from New York City and I wanted to meet you.

Her voice became a little softer, as if she was admitting something personal. Her jaw was set though and she again spoke matter-of-factly. "I don't want anything from you ... I just wanted to meet you."

[Todd Stephen Owens]

Nicole. There, this ghost had a name, Todd nodded lightly. Same biological parents, that was an acceptable way to phrase it. He moved to his desk chair, sitting at it and motioning for her to sit across from him. If she was dumb enough to try running again, he'd just jump up and get her again. New York City... that was a great place. His mother had never even left the state she left him in. That brought a wave of emotions Todd just couldn't respond to, and he felt hurt inside that he had no lover or close friend to share this with. The burden was his.

"I always wondered if I'd ever hunt down my parents, I never thought my past would hunt me down." And that was what it felt like, being hunted, he was cornered by a reality that changed everything. Todd fiddled with his chopsticks but didn't eat anything.

"I have a sister, Scarlett, she's recovering from a kidney transplant," Todd said, as if trying to keep a handle on what was his, what he knew. Nicole didn't need a kidney did she? That would be ironic in a sort of terrible way. "Do you have any other siblings?" Besides him, he meant. And then he realized, he didn't want to know and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Where are you staying?"

[Nicole Marie Freeman]

Nicole considered running again, but it seemed foolish at this point. Todd sitting behind his desk felt less threatening than Todd standing and guarding the door. Nicole sat in the chair, but only after she pulled it a little bit further away from his desk. She sat down, not quite relaxing, watching his movements carefully. She massaged her wrists as a means of expelling her excess energy.

He spoke, and she wasn't sure what to say. She almost scowled, like all the times she made it to the principal's office and everyone just kept going on and on about how she screwed up. I know I did something wrong, but why does everyone have to make me feel worse about it? Most people she came across seemed to believe she deserved to be grilled for her mistakes. Nicole managed to keep her face blank, as blank as it could get when she was listening and feeling awkward.

At the mention of his sister, Nicole nodded, feeling even more awkward. She didn't know much about kidney transplants, but it sounded medical and bad. That sucks sounded a bit insensitive, so instead Nicole muttered, "I'm sorry."

"No." She didn't have any other siblings, but ... "I mean... I ..." she started but then looked up. Todd looked positively tortured with his eyes closed shut. He obviously didn't want to hear anything she was saying. God, she felt stupid for almost divulging personal information. She blinked back tears, angry at herself so thinking she could confide in someone about that.

"There's a motel on the highway." Nicole explained, trying to keep her emotions in check. "I'll probably leave soon once I figure out where I'm going."

[Todd Stephen Owens]

Todd said nothing for a while, registering the hurt and uncertainty in her voice. He didn't want her to hurt, but he didn't know what to say. "You caught me off guard." He admitted, finally looking up at her, a face that looked so much like his own.

"My family and my job is all I have." he said. "I have few friends outside those circles." There was no one he could really work through this with, no one at all. He'd never been sadder to be romantically alone than right now. Todd sighed, "Its not like I don't want to know you, you're the only blood relative I've ever met.... its just complicated." He trailed off, thinking of his days at the orphanage, and when he finally moved in with the Owens, finally getting himself a last name.

A last name...

"What's your last name?" He asked quietly. "Our last name...mine before I was adopted....."

[Nicole Marie Freeman]

"I wanted to write ..." Nicole said apologetically, figuring she ought to explain her sudden and poor presentation. "But I suck at writing. Nothing I wrote really said what I wanted to say." She was a bit annoyed with herself, for not being eloquent enough to properly explain herself. She didn't want to write him a letter and then arrange a meeting like some bizarre blind date. To prepare herself to give precisely the right impression and all the pretentious crap.

"I'm sorry." she muttered again, staring at her hands. Was that the only meaningful thing she was going to contribute during this whole exchange? Why was that the one thing she kept having to say over and over in her life? Why was she always screwing up?

It's complicated. Nicole clenched her jaw a bit, still staring ahead at her hands. She heard that way too many times in her life, always connected to disappointment. Sadness welled up inside her - who would want to know her? Honestly, how did she look? Some unusually wiry girl with crazy hair and ratty clothes?

"Freeman." she said expressionlessly, still consumed in her emotional downward spiral. It was a lousy last name, and she was legally changing it as soon as she could.

She got up suddenly. "You don't have get to know me, honest. You don't owe me anything. Like I said, I just wanted to meet you. And here you are. A cop with a nice-looking family. And that's awesome, really. I'm very glad to see that you're doing well. Got a life all in order. And maybe you don't have as many friends as you'd like and your sister's not a hundred percent, but you seem like a great guy so I bet everything's gonna turn out great. You deserve it."

Nicole almost reached out her hand to shake as a sortof goodbye gesture, but stuffed it in her pocket at the last minute. She was going to wait for him to dismiss her this time, to avoid him feeling compelled to bring her back in.

He had his life together. His biggest issues were a recovering sister and lack of a social life. He had a family that probably loved him to pieces, and he was going to end up okay no matter way. Nicole didn't belong in a world like that.

[Todd Stephen Owens]

Freeman....

He didn't feel free.

"I owe you a chance," Todd said concretely. He didn't owe her his love or his money but he did owe her his time, a chance to be something. She cared enough to find him, and he would let himself be found. She was here after all. He would probably regret not knowing his blood sister. Right? At least, regret not talking with her.

He wanted to know about his parents, the kind of life he might have had--for better or worse-- and nothing would change the fact that he was Todd Owens. The Owens were his family, but Nicole had reached out for him.

"Our parents," The words felt strange to him, regarding people he had never met. "Didn't come and fine me, they didn't care, but you did, and you deserve a chance." Todd smiled at her softly. He wasn't sure he could figure it all out right here, right now. But if she stuck around a while...

[Nicole Marie Freeman]

Nicole felt uncertain now, still standing, but staring at Todd curiously. He told her she deserved a chance which was very decent. A nice gesture towards her. Nicole wasn't quite sure what to make of it - she certainly wasn't used to such things. It made her feel slightly ... better on the inside. Not less awkward, but just better about the world. Her life must be turning around a little bit, at least.

She felt a bit resolved and ... a little bit happy? She was going to be a person deserving of a chance. And just the way he said it made her feel like, while coming here was certainly uncomfortable, it had been a good thing to do essentially. She had done something right. Someone appreciated her gesture. This was all strange but comforting.

And she came to the very peculiar and significant conclusion that Todd, a stranger, was the only person she could remember really giving her a chance with anything.

Lost in her new emotion, Nicole stood awkward for a second before clearing her throat. "I have a cellphone ..." she said, taking it out of her pocket and going to contacts. She clicked New Contact. "You can just text or call whenever ... if you want to meet up ... coffee or something." She cleared her throat again, caught up in the strangeness of the situation, and placed her cellphone carefully on his desk, and then stepped back.

While he did whatever he did, Nicole felt like saying, "Don't take it personally."

"Our parents..." Wow, that felt really strange to say. "don't really care about anything."

Nicole felt a little sad again. That was the reason she was here, mostly. Because in all her unhappiness, she just wanted to meet the one person she believed felt as abandoned by their parents as she did.

[Todd Stephen Owens]

Todd took her cellphone and inputted his number wordlessly, clicking through her phone information to find her number. He looked at it and jotted it down on a stack of blue post-its on his desk. Normally, he had a good memory, a fabulous one, but right now, he wasn't sure of much. "I'd love to meet for coffee or something." He said finally.

"They cared enough about you to keep you," he said, realizing how jealous he just sounded. "Sorry...." he added quickly, running his fingers through his hair. Todd couldn't remember a time he had felt this bitter about his birth parents, not since he was a kid. Old enough to understand his situation and young enough not to get it at all.

Todd sighed and looked at her softly. She sort of looked worse for wear and he realized they couldn't have taken very good care of her. She didn't look very old either, but worn and tired like someone much older.

"So," He sighed. "How about the basics? I'm 26, I'm openly gay, I love kids, I love serving my community and I hate paperwork." He did realize though that she could be a homophobe and this could all be over but he wasn't gonna apologize for who he was. "I lived in an orphanage until I was 12, when I was adopted by the Owens."